(New parody lyrics to THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS)

I’m a Dreaded Breather By Mouth

But don’t run in fear,

I just don’t “Breathe-Right”

So says commercials here…

I wear C-PAP nose pillows

So there is no room

For fancy nose opener strips

They want me to consume!

They say my frequent dry mouth

When waking is a sign,

I need to order product

To fix this fault of mine…

I’m expected to play doctor

without the pretty girl,

Do if I have the money

I should give this stuff a whirl.

My “No-Risk” money guarantee

Assures me a whole lot

That if something goes really wrong

My money back I’ve got…

And then it’s lawyers’ holiday

If by  chance I should die,

Contributing to science

The reasons why!

–Jonathan Caswell

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