I Hate Myself


An Attempt At Release

I hate myself

She whispers against her pillow

I hate myself

She buries the tears in the soft cotton

I hate myself

She rehashes the day over and over

I hate myself

The conversation repeats itself

I hate myself

The record skips and starts over

I hate myself

Why am I such a freak?

I hate myself

Her knees pulled tight against her chest

I hate myself

In the dark of the night, when no one can see

I hate myself

Why can’t I be free?

I hate myself

She longs to be more like those other girls

I hate myself

She wishes for his attention and affection

I hate myself

Why did I say the words in that order?

I hate myself

She repeats the words anew

I hate myself

In the black of what once was light

I hate myself

She’s said it so many times it’s become…

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About Jonathan Caswell

Poet, author, servant of God the Heavenly father and the Lord Jesus Christ...working out his salvation with fear and trembling. - Not trusting in his own deeds, but depending totally upon the finished sacrificial work of Jesus Christ to be, by God's reckoning, a new creature, clothed in Christ's righteousness...which mortal humankind can never attain by their own weak efforts, apart from faith in Christ's work on our behalf. - College-educated, yet wise enough to see that what a man does will not be his ultimate identity nor affect how God sees him or her. - Called by God to do a very difficult thing...apart from God's grace, mercy and strength...to love the sinner (which we all--by nature--are) but hate the sin, which is only paid through Christ, God's Son, - My own God-given gift is that of being a Poet..showing that in all parts of life...God has a loving part in it...as hard as that is to always understand or perceive...given life's realities! Come join me on my journey of discovery?.

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