Slowly

AND I THOUGHT I WAS DEPRESSED! A FIGHTING POET—THAT’S WHAT I LIKE!!!

Musings Of An Autistic Mind

I’m losing me.

My family.

My friend.

My heart doesn’t beat so fast anymore.

It beats slower and slower, till one night

I felt like dying. I am dying. I thought, I hoped.

Everything’s a blur, now. Everything’s spotty.

Memory. Finances. Relationships. Mood.

Blinding headaches blur the little vision I have.

The tearing up inside that I can’t let outside.

I forgot. I’ve got Aspergers. I’m trying to hide.

Cause who’s gonna believe my story? See me?

For someone not awkward. Not special.

Just especially ticked off when plans fail.

Because I hate planning for the unseen.

There’s so much my anxiety won’t let me.

And the world wants me to remain in the dark.

So sick of being left out, of being forgotten.

Sick of everyone pretending they know me.

There’s anger, and then there’s what I feel.

Gnawing pressure that demands release.

Burning sensations traveling up tired muscles.

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About Jonathan Caswell

Poet, author, servant of God the Heavenly father and the Lord Jesus Christ...working out his salvation with fear and trembling. - Not trusting in his own deeds, but depending totally upon the finished sacrificial work of Jesus Christ to be, by God's reckoning, a new creature, clothed in Christ's righteousness...which mortal humankind can never attain by their own weak efforts, apart from faith in Christ's work on our behalf. - College-educated, yet wise enough to see that what a man does will not be his ultimate identity nor affect how God sees him or her. - Called by God to do a very difficult thing...apart from God's grace, mercy and strength...to love the sinner (which we all--by nature--are) but hate the sin, which is only paid through Christ, God's Son, - My own God-given gift is that of being a Poet..showing that in all parts of life...God has a loving part in it...as hard as that is to always understand or perceive...given life's realities! Come join me on my journey of discovery?.

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