HIGHER SPEED RAIL

HIGHER SPEED RAIL

(To  tune of “THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS”)

–

Been working on the N scale

Whenever I’ve found time,

Rebuilding older trackage

So electrics will work fine…

Putting in curved turnouts

Simulating former speed,

My truncated mainline

Once hosted iron steeds!

–

The story goes that this was once

A high-speed mainline,

Alas, this part of the railroad is

In serious decline…

A few banked curves remain to

Remind us what once was,

The rest of the roadbed

Like that economy, went bust.

–

But renewing hope is out there

My imaginary line,

Hosts a  tourist train

Which looks like it does fine…

A collection of Rail Diesel Cars–

Steam engines have a few–

An array of passenger train cars,

Restoration still to do!

–

When rebuilding’s finished

(It’s going to run this time),

They’ll have a ceremony

So get yourself in line…

Cooking for a grand shindig

The restaurants in town,

Will serve the finest dishes

With MOXIE passed around!

They’ll serve their finest cuisine

So chug that MOXIE down!!!!

–

–Jonathan Caswell

–

THE STORY OF OUR CAR…!

THE STORY OF OUR CAR…

(Beverly Hillbillies theme)

–

NOW…

This is the story about our car,

It isn’t very pretty but it  takes a feller far,

We drove it on the Interstate

And this is what we saw—

The muffler and tail pipe dragging right along!

–

WELL…

The next thing we know A car along side

Tried to point out

Our loud and rougher ride,

He let us by to pull off on the side…

While the highway bridge bounced we got a look in back!

–

I found the rotten pipe and twisted it off,

The muffler intact.

‘Though kibitzers might cough,

I  stashed it in the truck and we were on our way…

I’ll have to get it fixed on Saturday!!!!

–

–Jonathan Caswell

THAT HUMMING-GRINDING

THAT HUMMING-GRINDING

(Tune of THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS)

–

We heard that frequent grinding,

Tree choppers from Outside.

Making veggie mincemeat

Of the bushes on the side…

They were going to finish yesterday

But have still more to do,

For mulch and landfills too!

–

Oh that humming-grinding-roaring

Outside won’t let me sleep,

It’ll be agoing all day

With schedules to keep…

Our park-like grounds will open up

To sun and winter winds,

Removing all that dead wood

Is how new growth begins!

–

–Jonathan Caswell

HAREM SCARE’EM AND ME!

HAREM SCARE ‘EM AND ME !

(To the tune of “THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS”…A SONG)

–

He thought he’d like a harem–

Oh, what a great idea–

Collecting beautiful women

For each day of the year…

Have one of every hair color:

Of red-heads, two or three,

Some that change with the season

Oh what a company!

–

But modern girls aren’t like the ones

That lived in olden time,

They’re much more educated,

Don’t easily resign…

Their lives and their futures

To a fat cat jailer-king,

To volunteer they’d like to hear

His cash disbursement ring.

–

Logistics would be maddening

Even if all were convinced,

Coming from all over

When he saw the bill he winced…

He began feeling outnumbered

Cooperation thin,

Instead of coming one-by-one

They all came after him!

–

He couldn’t pay their wages

So all up and left,

His fine plans for his evenings–

Not a single one was kept…

And then he got the bills for

The leaving of each one,

He decided then and there

Modern harems were no fun!

–

I thought of the same thing myself,

Like “THE HAREM OF BIRDS”

But only beautiful bloggers–

Women, in other words…

An exclusive club with just one man

My wife would veto fast,

My flesh already wants control—

The concept sounds a blast.

–

But thinking realistically

My cost is way too much,

I’ll lose those friends who cannot stand

A married man’s touch…

Long-distance relationships

Are harder to maintain,

I’d just as soon give up now

Before I feel the pain!

–

–Jonathan Caswell

RED HEAD BANNER YEAR!

RED HEAD BANNER YEAR!

(Tune: THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS)

–

I added another red head

To my blog banner seen,

A laughing younger red head

With laughing eyes that gleam…

Her hair flying out of place

So wild and free,

Seemed to be a perfect fit

With some of my poetry!

–

oH…we’ll always need those red heads

Be they fake or be they real,

They have a certain sparkle–

(Don’t I have strong appeal?)

A fun-loving Irish lass

Will stand out on her own…

And if I were not spoken for

I’d surely take her home;

And if I were not spoken for,

I’ try to take her home!  🙂

–Jonathan Caswell

DELAYED CONSUMATION

DELAYED CONSUMATION

–

He wants to see the end of this,

The finding of relief–

His timing is off somehow

And frustration chief…

He got into position

Only to be turned aside,

He’ll have to wait yet longer

Until he’s satisfied!

–Jonathan Caswell

(Subject is not what it suggests)

DON’T SAY THEY’RE PRETTY!

DON;T SAY THEY’RE PRETTY!

(Parody lyrics for THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS)

–

When greeting client employees

The pressures are immense,

You say someone’s pretty

With the purest of intents…

The woman may take offence

Thinking that’s not okay,

You might just lose your job

For the little things you say.

–

Some folks don’t wait around

To tittle with the Guard,

They’d like to get going–

Stopping in their back yard…

Some may stop for seconds

For the kind, quick good bye,

But you’d be prudent not to tell

Why they have caught your eye!

–

Sometimes you mention fabric

Or the color looks grand,

And they may accept it

With a regal wave of hand,,,

Leave out delicious body parts

In their “No Mention Zone”‘s,

Just don’t go there but make it clear

Your not the Devil’s own!

–

A friend or two may accest

Compliments now and then,

Just don’t make iy a habit

That will bite you in the end…

Just quietly accept the fact

Of this fine gallery,

Then keep your wits about you

But do it pleasantly@!

–Jonathan Caswell

NODDING OFF NOW?

NODDING OFF NOW?

–

Nodding off after two hours

With at least twelve more to go,

As the nearby camera glowers

Sleep has become my foe…

So I make myself some coffee

And make it double-strength,

I hear delightful gurgles…

Be having some at length!

–

I’ll have to spend money

For some lunch to eat,

I have some fortune cookies

Whose crunch sure is a treat…

An apple and warm yogurt

Will keep me for a while,

And then my thicker coffee

Will wake me up to smile!

–Jonathan caswell

BRAIDY CAT

BRAIDY CAT

–

Whose afraid of the braidy cat,

The braidy cat.

The braidy cat…

Whose afraid of the braidy cat,

Who licks and twists your lovely long hair?

–

His paws are made for combing hair,

Combing hair,

Combing hair…

His paws are made for combing hair

And knotting it in bunches!

–

Wouldn’t you want a cat like that…

A cat like that,

A cat like that…

Wouldn’t you want a cat like that,

Who does hair as he munches.

–

He’ll cough up hairballs for you…

Hairballs for you,

Hair balls for you…

He’ll cough up hair balls for you,

Of your hair from his tummy!

–Jonathan Caswell

(sung to “WHO’S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF?”)

JURIED DUTY

JURIED DUTY

(A song parody)*

–

Massachusetts jury duty–

A priviedge for few,

Whomever they may call ion

With  “nothing” to do…

A citizen’s acknowledgment

Of civic authority,

The price of freedom so they say

Picked once (at least) yearly!

–

A friend of mine is going

For availability

In case a trial needs them

Unaccountably…

Most stay for just one day

And then are sent on home,

Few there are that make the grade

For jury duty we’ve known.

–

Some folks are called more than once a year

And few know why,

Maybe their name was special

Catching a clerk’s eye…

All that we know is when we’re called

We hope it ends soon,

Though we’ll do our part on a jury

It’s working time ruined.

–

So if you’ve had the priviledge

Of for jury duty called,

We hope you take it quietly

And not get appalled…

For each of us must do our part

In this democracy,

You do get paid a small stipend

Icf held for trial you may be!

–Jonathan Caswell

(Dedicated to JOANNE…you lucky   citizen, you!)

* Song parody…sing this poem to the tune of THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS.