Category Archives: parody

FINAL (?) COMMENTS ON A “GRIFFIN”

A mythical griffin is true

To its nature blue…

Made of rock–

Sturdy stock=–

It never  no never boo-hoos!

Unlike the “comedienne,

Who’s turned herself into “victim”…

Self responsibility

Is unconscionably,

Denied by her or him!

Now a lawyer she seeks,

Someone else must pay her lost “ekes”

She did the act–

No one “made her”, in fact–

Most of us see through her pitiful squeaks!

It’s time for this child to grow up,

As one wag said–MAN UP!…

You’ve gone too far

With behavior bizarre,

With morals you’ve proven corrupt.

(An opinion post! )

-Jonathan Caswell

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HAREM SCARE’EM AND ME!

HAREM SCARE ‘EM AND ME !

(To the tune of “THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS”…A SONG)

He thought he’d like a harem–

Oh, what a great idea–

Collecting beautiful women

For each day of the year…

Have one of every hair color:

Of red-heads, two or three,

Some that change with the season

Oh what a company!

But modern girls aren’t like the ones

That lived in olden time,

They’re much more educated,

Don’t easily resign…

Their lives and their futures

To a fat cat jailer-king,

To volunteer they’d like to hear

His cash disbursement ring.

Logistics would be maddening

Even if all were convinced,

Coming from all over

When he saw the bill he winced…

He began feeling outnumbered

Cooperation thin,

Instead of coming one-by-one

They all came after him!

He couldn’t pay their wages

So all up and left,

His fine plans for his evenings–

Not a single one was kept…

And then he got the bills for

The leaving of each one,

He decided then and there

Modern harems were no fun!

I thought of the same thing myself,

Like “THE HAREM OF BIRDS”

But only beautiful bloggers–

Women, in other words…

An exclusive club with just one man

My wife would veto fast,

My flesh already wants control—

The concept sounds a blast.

But thinking realistically

My cost is way too much,

I’ll lose those friends who cannot stand

A married man’s touch…

Long-distance relationships

Are harder to maintain,

I’d just as soon give up now

Before I feel the pain!

–Jonathan Caswell

FUR-BRAINED FELINES

FUR-BRAINED FELINES

You Tube compilations

Of cat concentrations…

Mirrors and jumps

And into bath dumps,

Expose tintinnabulations!

–Jonathan Caswell

CREATIVE COMBINATIONS (FROM A DREAM?)

CREATIVE COMBINATIONS

(From A dream?)

One against three or two,

How does one know what to do…

A fevered pitch

Drops a stitch,

One less working–boo-hoo!

Several combine as one,

Knowing by heart what’s done…

Sounds like a breeze,

Becomes a tight squeeze

When the word race is won.

Not sure what to do?

Will set things up for you!

Summon a meme,

Float that trireme*

Just when you’re feeling blue!

–Jonathan Caswell

* A trireme…afloat!

(http://academic,brooklyn.cuny,edu/classic/)

A CORDUROY SKIRT & JACKET

A  CORDUROY SKIRT AND JACKET

(sing to THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS)

A corduroy jacket

And skirt are going to be

The next sewing project

My love does, you see…

She’ll make it from material

That cost a lot of “dough”

But I do like the pattern

And will love her in it so!

Oh, the patterned blue fabric,

A fancy corduroy…

Is worth the glow in her eyes

When I paid for this joy;

She’ll have her new sewing machine

Which I guess I’ll set up too,

And help her with the making of

Until the set is through!

We can’t afford to hire help

Except for a tip or two,

This pattern cost a lot to get

But she’s not feeling blue…

Except to say my illness brought

Her project to a halt,

Just taking over for her love

She did not find me fault.

My BLUE SAPPHIRE OF JOHNSBURG (see Archives!)

Is the best one for me,

She takes up the slack I bore

And responsibility…

The least I can do for my love

Is allow a corduroy bolt,

To help her smile a good long while

And scamper like a colt!  😀

–Jonathan Caswell

SOME PENTATETTE SUBMISSIONS:

SOME PENTATETTE SUBMISSIONS:

I submitted limericks to THE PENTATETTE** for several years. These are just a few.

It’s raining and snowing together,

The perfect Worcester (Mass.) weather…

But here’s the trick,

It better not stick

With cars driving hell-for-leather!

–J.E.C.

Blogging of a starlet’s spiral

Downwardly took off viral…

What is stank,

She laughs to the bank

Not caring her story’s hirel.

–J.E.C.

I once had red hair you see,

But grey, black and bald’s left to me…

My prejudice arose

‘Gainst the men I suppose,

Because anger for me was easy!

–J.E.C.

In October his Mom died of cancer,

After all this time there’s no answer…

Why he’s not cried

But deep inside

The issue takes more than a glance, sir.

–J.E.C.

He once knew a family from Douglas

Whose home was practically bug-less…

They sprayed lots of mist

With chemical fist,

Poisoned the dog and went pugless!

–J.E.C.

**THE PENTATETTE is an on-line and printed newsletter specifically for limericks.  See http://www.limericks.org for details.

FANCY FILLY FINANCING…LYRICS

FANCY FILLY FINANCING

(new lyrics to: GRANDMA’S IN THE CELLAR)

I-rish I had a shilling

For redheads unwilling

To give me even the time of day…

For many the lass

Who this poor boy will pass

Refusing to go e’en part of the way!

Chasing gold

Gets old

When the end of rainbows run away…

The finest Irish girls

Using me for finger twirls

Then finding another man with which to stay.

A guy just off the boat

Decided to devote

Energies to take away my Carol girl…

This Irish boy called George

Deepened the gorge

By taking Carol out for a whirl.

Spoke a line,

Spent his dime

To steal away my only first girlfriend…

Held back a grade he was mature

Making his girl conquest sure,

I barely saw her ’til the school year’s end!

–Jonathan Caswell